Lips of An Angel
by rightxhere
Summary: [RayNeela] It’s the Christmas Michael would have been home, had he not met someone and wrote to Neela about it some weeks before. AU, angsty, fluffy, a little bit naughty.


**Title: **Lips of an Angel  
**Author:** Demelza  
**Disclaimer:** Without Prejudice. I don't own Ray, Neela or Morris (though he is a cutie :P), nor do I own anything to do with ER. ER and its characters are the property of NBC and all their other owners. No infringement of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. Lyrics 'Lips of An Angel' belong to Hinder.  
**Rating:** O15  
**Pairing:** Ray/Neela  
**Warnings:** Some sexual content, but nothing _overly_ graphic. Rated O15 (or M) for this reason.  
**Dedication:** Written for my dear friend Audrey as a Christmas gift. I'm pretty sure she won't mind me sharing it :)  
**Notes:** This has a little bit of fluff, a bite-sized portion of 'adult stuff', and contains a healthy dose of angst. You are warned. Also, I know it typically only references to Neela and Gallant not being together once in the story, but it is a Ray-centric fic so that's why I've mentioned the how and why in the summary. :)  
**Summary:** It's the Christmas Michael **would** have been home, had he not met someone and wrote to Neela about it some weeks before. AU, angsty, fluffy, a little bit naughty.

\/

Ray was lying on the sofa in the doctor's lounge, staring up at the ceiling. The room was dark, save for the limited light that came in through the blinds, and in all reality he wished he was home asleep in his own bed. The sofa was less than comfortable, and his back was beginning to hurt.

The past shift had been horribly long, and while Kovac had told him he could go home, Ray – at the time – had only had enough energy to crash on the sofa. That was about three hours ago.

He lay there in silence for a long while, but the ache in his back only worsened and it was starting to frustrate him. Frowning, he tried moving, but it didn't seem to help at all. Annoyed, he climbed up off the sofa and straightened his white lab coat in a fluster.

Now that he was up though, he'd have to go home, and he really didn't feel like making the trek to the train.

That was when the door to the room burst open, startling him for a moment, and he watched as Neela rushed inside and pushed the door shut behind her in a panic. He smiled, a little confused, but delighted at the same time, as she hurriedly turned, peaking out the blinds for a few seconds before she began stepping backwards, away from the door.

He had no idea who she was hiding from – probably Morris – but it made him grin as an idea played out in his mind. He stepped silently into a good position, and just as Neela was about to walk into him he wrapped his arms around her. Screaming, she turned in fright, and it made him laugh hysterically. She beat her hands against his chest a couple of times, making him laugh harder.

"You jerk, Ray!"

Still laughing, he could see the pissed off look on her face. "That'll teach ya to walk into a dark room all by yourself," he grinned, reaching his hand to her face – which she immediately slapped away.

"I hate you."

"Sure, you say that now," he grinned further.

"I hate you every day, _if you must know_."

Amused by her response, he set both of his hands against her hips – much to her protest – and gently pulled her to him. Gazing down at her, he watched as a smile slowly formed on her lips. His hands, strong and comforting, began their search of her lower back. "What about now?" he asked.

He could see by the look in her eyes she was fighting the effect his touch had on her. Her lips parted, and – momentarily holding her breath – she exhaled sharply. "Now would be thee...only...exception."

"Mmhmm," he murmured, "And, when I do...this...?" he asked, bringing his left hand to her face again in one movement, and lowering his lips to hers in another. "...do you still hate me?" he asked softly, kissing her again.

She pulled back a little. "If hate's a decree of love," she breathed, pushing his lab coat off his shoulders, "Then I hate you now more than ever."

Ray smiled, satisfied with that answer, and pressed another kiss to her lips while helping her remove his lab coat. It fell to the floor, and he murmured, "Me too," into her mouth.

She smiled, her fingers trailing to the seam of his t-shirt. "I bet you do," she said softly.

"Mmm." His lips went back to hers.

His t-shirt and wife-beater were next to go, and with them off Ray helped Neela out of her lab coat too. It dropped to the floor with a light thud, and that was when he began stepping her backward, toward the sofa. "I ever tell you," he murmured between one kiss and the next, "How gorgeous you are?"

She smiled, shaking her head as he started on the buttons of her pale lavender blouse. "No," she murmured, "Not that I recall..."

He smiled as the last button came free, stared at her momentarily. "Liar." He pushed her blouse back, off her shoulders, watched as she stared innocently up at him, her blouse falling to the floor. "I love it when you give me that look..."

Her eyes flickered, a smile spread across her lips. "You really have _no _self control, Ray."

"If you're referring to last night," he said, bringing her body to his again. "In my defense, you were dressed in that _highly _intoxicating black dress from that Christmas Party we attended, _and..._"

Smiling, "_And,_ what?" she answered softly.

"And, when your hair has that wave in it, I'm the first to admit I have little to _no_ self control..."

"My hair," Neela said, both hands slowly roaming his abdomen, "Is always wavy."

"That's my point," Ray grinned, "Whenever I see you, I have no control over the thoughts in my head."

"Uh-huh," she chuckled.

"Like, right now? All I wanna do is kiss every freckle on your body, and when I've done that...I'll..."

"You'll...what...?"

Slowly, he began stepping her backward, one even step after another. "...I'll do things you've only ever dreamed of."

"If that's a promise," she paused, her fingers reaching the waistband of his jeans, "I might be persuaded to let you do these..._things_..."

He wet his lips, "What have you got in mind as a persuasion?"

"Well..." she began, kissing him once, "There's this book..." She kissed him again, her fingers reaching his zipper. "One about India..."

"I may have studied it," he mumbled, his lips breaking from hers for only a moment. "I could..." Another break, this time only long enough for him to whisper, "...show you what I know..."

His zip came down, slowly.

"I really think you ought to...Ray..."

"_Ray...Ray!"_

Ray's eyes shot open with a hell of a fright, his heart racing in his chest.

"Dude! What the hell are you doing?!" Morris' whiney, disgusted voice asked.

Ray looked left at him, followed Morris' pointed hand to his crotch, and Ray realized his own hand was inside his scrubs...more than that, they were inside his boxers, and he was...

He yanked his hand free, his eyes going to Morris. "Swear to God man, you tell a living soul..."

"If you wanna have wet dreams and play with yourself," Morris said, raising both his hands in the air. "It's none of my concern."

The door to the staff lounge opened and an embarrassed Ray sat up when he saw Neela standing there in the doorway.

"Morris, Kovac wants you!" she snarled at the redhead.

Hearing her voice made Ray swallow hard, his dream fresh in his mind.

"And there she goes, ruining Christmas Eve for me," Morris sighed heavily, before leaving the room.

Ray watched Neela as she walked into the staff lounge where he had been sleeping, every part of him wishing he could just go back to sleep and finish where the dream had left off. _He always wanted to do that. _She pulled her lab coat off on the way, and walked to her locker. She opened the door, set the coat inside, before turning around to look at him as if she had felt his eyes upon her.

"What?" she asked.

He couldn't help staring at her. The long sleeved black top she wore clung to her every curvature and his lips parted with an exhale, when he shook his head, snapping himself back to reality. "Nothing," he lied, desperate for her to believe him. "You finished for the night?"

"Thankfully," she sighed. "I plan to spend the first, and every remaining minute of Christmas Day, in bed."

He nodded, rose to his feet and walked over to his locker – just a few over from hers. "You don't have any plans for lunch or supper?"

"Hardly," she said with a sigh, looking up at him. "What about you?"

"Lunch with my folks, supper with my grandmother," he replied, setting his hand on the latch of his locker door, fragments of his dream playing back.

_He pushed her blouse back, off her shoulders, watched as she stared innocently up at him, her blouse falling to the floor. "I love it when you give me that look..."_

"Lucky," Neela broke him from his thoughts, a hint of sorrow in her voice.

_Couldn't the dreams leave him alone? _"I guess," Ray mumbled. They stared at one another for a moment, when he asked, "You could join me you know, I mean if you wanted." The thought that maybe she'd be repulsed by such an idea entered his mind, and he mentally kicked himself.

"I doubt your parents would want their son's roommate slash colleague crashing their Christmas lunch," she said, "But thanks for the offer."

"You sure? Cause I know my mom would _love _to meet you."

"Why?" she asked, that smile he loved so much curling her lips. "What lies have you been spreading about me?"

"Only that you're a great roomie, and a fantastic doctor," he answered with a cheeky grin.

She smiled warmly. "I'll pass, but really, thank you. I mean that."

"Sure," he said with a nod.

She turned to her locker then, picked out her coat and pushed the locker door closed. When, after a moment, she looked sidelong at Ray again. "Ray," she began, seemingly about to say something else, when she added, "I'll...see you at home."

He nodded. "Bye."

"Bye," she said, walking away.

He stood there, staring into his locker, wondering when the dreams and the _feelings_ he worked so hard every day to ignore were all going to end.

\/

Home little over a half hour later, the lights in the apartment were out and Ray checked the time on the VCR. It was seven minutes til midnight, and he smiled, remembering what Neela had said earlier.

"_I plan to spend the first, and every remaining minute of Christmas Day, in bed."_

He removed his coat, dumping it on the sofa, and moved to the corridor. He made his way along the wall to his room, when he stopped just before Neela's bedroom. He could see the light from her room shining out from the crack under the door and he swallowed hard. All he wanted was to knock on the door and see if she was okay, but every thought went back to the dream he had had – the dream he always had – and he painfully stepped past her room and headed into his own.

Pushing the door closed behind him until it clicked with a faint 'click', he moved to the window and stopped in front of it. From there he could see the limited traffic on the snow-covered road outside; could hear the faint Christmas tunes being played in the apartment next door, and it made his chest ache with a burning sorrow.

All this time pretending like it didn't affect him – that Neela didn't affect him – and he was inching deeper into the inescapable abyss his heart had dragged him into so long ago.

He tried picturing something else, _anything _else, but it didn't work. He could feel the weight of her lips against his, from the many dreams he had every damn night.

Couldn't his mind leave him in peace for just this one day? Couldn't he spend this Christmas with his family without wondering what it would be like spending the special day in bed with her?

The more he thought about it, the more it felt like reality was being ripped away from him. It felt like he had no control, and he couldn't deal with that. He couldn't accept it. That wasn't him; he didn't _do _feelings like that. He didn't want to, not if they haunted him this much.

Her face flashed in his mind again and he shook his head, trying to shake the images away, but he saw that innocent look from his dream earlier, and all he wanted was for it to go away. He wanted to stop feeling this way about her.

_Why wouldn't it stop?_

His lips parting, he shook his head once more, this time moving away from the window and over to his bed where he kicked his shoes off. Each thud seemed to erase Neela's face from his mind, but when he stopped he felt that rush he had felt in his dream when he had kissed her. It burned inside him, it burned in his chest, in his stomach, in his...

He raked his fingers through his hair, groaning with a loud sigh.

They were colleagues. Roommates. _Friends._ She was getting over the breakup with her soldier ex! He couldn't do this. He couldn't picture her like that.

Switching his stereo on, he hit the random button. He had to get the feelings, if that's what they really were, out of his mind. _Out of his system._

_He had tried before though_, he reasoned with himself as he stepped away and sat down on the edge of his bed. He had tried dating the type of women he had long ago convinced himself he was attracted to, he had brought them to the apartment and gotten them as far as the living room...but all he had ever seen was her. All he could ever see was her.

"_I ever tell you," he breathed between one kiss and the next, "How gorgeous you are?"_

The stereo made all sorts of winding and whirring noises, and his heart raced, his breath caught in his throat, and he shook his head, wishing everything was out of his mind once and for all, when a song began.

_**Honey why you calling me so late** _

His hands resting over the edge of his knees, his heart racing faster still, he lay flat on his back, stared up at the ceiling.

_**It's kinda hard to talk right now**_

Closing his eyes, he cursed himself, he cursed the day he was born.

_**Honey why you crying is everything okay**_

More than that, he cursed her.

_**I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud** _

He cursed her for making him feel this way about her.

_**Well, my girl's in the next room**_

His groin, however, yearned for her, despite every protest in his mind.

**_Sometimes I wish she was you  
__I guess we never really moved on_**

Eyes opening again, he moved both hands to his belt and unbuckled it...but as it came free he shook his head, sat up straight and stopped himself from what he had been about to. It didn't stop though; it didn't stop the growing want deep inside him.

_**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel**_

Heart thrashing, he fell backward on the bed again, every breath escaping his lungs for a split few moments. When, he let his eyes drift shut again. He imagined her there beside him; he imagined it was her hands at the zip of his jeans, slowly unzipping them. His right hand beginning to tremble, he slid it in and under the fabric of his boxers, and his breath caught in his throat when his cold fingers curled around his warm cock.

_**Hearing those words it makes me weak  
And I,  
never wanna say goodbye**_

He opened his eyes again, slowly shaking his head from side to side, but as he moved his hand further into his boxers, his fingers stroking the full length of his cock, his breath shuddered, "G...od."

_**But girl you make it hard to be faithful** _

He pulled his hand up slowly, before stroking downward again.

_**With the lips of an angel**_

He continued like that for a long few moments, his eyes drifting shut once more. His groin throbbed stronger, his erection hardened. In his mind, it was Neela stroking him. In his mind, she sat at his right, gazing lovingly down at him, reassuring him with her eyes that she wasn't going to leave his side. Not tonight. Not ever.

_**It's funny that you're calling me tonight** _

And it was her name he whispered when the stroking moved faster. It was her face and her lips he pictured. It was Neela whom he groaned loudly for when his orgasm grew inside him. He wanted, more than anything for her to kiss him. He wanted to feel the weight of her lips on his as he came, but the wave hit and he breathed heavily, groaning her name as the rush went through his erection and all over his hand.

_**And yes I dreamt of you too**_

His breathing erratic, Ray lay there in silence, his eyes shut still, just listening to his own breathing, and the song that played on his stereo.

_**And does he know you're talking to me will it start a fight  
No, I don't think she has a clue** _

He held onto the vision of her sitting there beside her, smiling that soft smile she held only for him.

_**Well my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on** _

He heard his door creak and his eyes shot open just as a flash of light eminated overhead. The light was on and he pulled his hand free, shielding his eyes with the other as he tried to see who was there.

"Ray..."

_**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel** _

His heart raced and he sat up, gathering the blanket from the foot end of his bed to cover himself. He stared over at her, his every breath erratic. He couldn't find the words. He wanted to explain. He wanted to apologize for what he had done, but he couldn't find the damn words.

"I thought you'd hurt yourself...I didn't..." She was shaking her head, embarrassed and totally confused by what she had seen. "You were..."

_**Hearing those words it makes me weak  
And I,  
never wanna say goodbye** _

He was shaking his head too. "Neela...I..."

"...earlier..."

_**But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel** _

Now he was the one who was confused. "What?"

She moved to the stereo, turned the music off. "At work...I was coming in behind Morris, and I saw your hand down your...pants...you were...but Kovac, he called out to me, he...you...were..."

He was flustered trying to find the words. "No. I mean, yes. No...no, I wasn't...I was dreaming, and it...I...I didn't realize what I was doing. I swear to God, Neela. I didn't...I was dreaming." He was shaking his head, hoping she'd believe him with one part of his mind, and wishing she hadn't seen with the other.

She was almost breathless, staring at him. "...dreaming about...who?" she finally asked.

Ray swallowed, but he didn't answer, all he could do was sit there, staring at her. He knew she hated him now. He could see it on her face, and all he wished was that he could wind back the hands of time and stop himself before doing what he had.

She turned around halfway, shaking her head even more, when she stopped, her gaze returning to his. "Since..._when_?" she asked in disbelief.

He swallowed again. "I don't remember," he answered honestly. "It's crazy. I'm crazy. Stupid crazy, I know, and I shouldn't have...I..."

He stopped talking when she looked away from him, turned her head to the left, as if she was listening for something out in the corridor. She stood there for a moment, her gaze returning to his. "You're not crazy," she said.

"I'm...not?" His heart raced again.

She swallowed nervously, moving to the edge of the bed, where she stood in front of him. "What I don't understand," she said, shaking her head at herself. He could only assume it was because she didn't really want to be standing there before him. And why would she after seeing what she had?

Her words froze his thoughts.

"...is...why?"

"Just look at you," he said, gazing up at her. He could see the sadness on her face, only he mistook it for disgust. "You're...gorgeous, Neela. And you...you're..."

"Why me, Ray?" she asked with a whisper. "Why not someone more your type?"

He moved, rose to his feet before her. "You are my type, Neela," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "You've always been my type. You were always just so..."

"Out of reach...?" she asked, not looking up at him, her facial expression still sad.

He cupped his finger under her chin, like he had done so many times in his dreams, drew her gaze to his. "I've always wanted you," he said, "But lately..."

"...more so..." she quietly finished for him, tears running down both cheeks.

"More so," Ray echoed. "I want to be your everything, Neela. And I won't go away. I won't ever leave you."

"...Ray..."

"Please," he whispered softly, "Let me love you like you deserve. Let me show you how much _I _love you..."

"You don't want me, Ray," she cried, shaking her head. "You don't."

"Don't say that," he said, "At least...not...yet..." On that last word, he craned his neck, brushed his lips over hers, kissing her tenderly.

The kiss was slow, but when it came to an end Neela needed air.

Ray's finger was still under her chin, and he caressed her jaw lightly with his thumb. "That's only the beginning of what I could do to show you..."

Her eyes full of newfound feeling, she gazed up at him. Ever so slowly, she stepped closer to him, closing the gap between them, and nodded. "Okay, Ray..." she said gently. "...but slowly...I don't want to forget a moment..."

"You won't," he reassured her, his lips brushing against hers. "I won't let you," he whispered, taking her mouth with his once more, kissing her in a way he'd never once experienced in any of his dreams.


End file.
